But for real…Do people really change?
We’ve all had that person trying to convice us that they’ve changed. Then we sit there debating with ourselves for a few minutes…
Tik tok Tik tok
Save yourself some thinking time.
Yes, of course people change.
The factor the we must however consider is TIME and DESIRE.
1. People change much slower than you might be willing to wait.
We have at one point or another gotten into that relationship with a partner that has great potential. You mesh on every aspect except a few things…a few things that if left unattended turn into a few major things.
Lets use money in this example. Your partner has a heavy spending hand leading to a light wallet. You argue about the issue, and you notice gradual improvements to the behaviour.
The reality is this person has probably had this habit for most of their life and has known you for two minutes. While they may be trying very hard to kick this habit, as with any struggle they are going to have some good days and some bad days. They may even drastically digress.
Just because it seems very simple in your head. Doesn’t mean that it’s that simple for the person.
You don’t know how long it will take for change to come.
It might take 2 weeks, 2 years, or 11 years before a true change comes. The question is are you going to stick around for that to potentially happen?
Think about it how long has it taken you to stick to your workout plan, start your business, travel the world ect. Some of us never get there. Don’t expect others to get there any faster with the change you want.
So when you see an undesired trait decide if it’s something you can stick through or leave.
2. People change into who/ what they truly are.
Have you ever heard comments like, ” I never expected that from her . Its like two different people”?
Today’s society makes it curital to our survival to be able to wear many masks. At battle in the field or at your work, the mind is set of defense. With loved ones or close friends you can be more open to being vulnerable and intimate, then there are some thoughts kept private.
Sometimes people are living in constraints or a lie most of their lives and one day decide enough is enough. Don’t be surprised. They haven’t changed but have become themselves. Decide whether you need to stay or move on.
3. People don’t want to change.
Some people think they are fine just the way they are and see no need or desire to change. They may string you along because YOU want it so bad so they keep the peace, harmony and zen by tricking you, but truly they haven’t changed ..sorry . Accept or let go. I once dated a guy who had a problem with fedility, so I asked him one day what the issue was and he said to me, “honestly I don’t think I want to be with one girl, I’ve been fighting it and its a struggle, and I realized that’s not what I want”. Hmmm interesting I thought, OK, that’s his choice so I departed.
Change can only come from the person, so don’t stress yourself out. Accept or let go.
4. People face life altering changes.
There is the rule and the exception. Some individuals go through events in life that warrant an almost immediate change. This can be religious, where they have discovered meaning to life, or obeying the call by God to change.
It can be a death or illness that perhaps warrants a health or lifestyle change.
Any event or information that causes the person to develop an immediate or drastic change.
5. People change due to conditioning/ adaptation.
I think of spy movies as I write this, where individuals are hypnotized, beaten or tourted into assuming a new identity.
Blood diamond, Salt, B613.
This is a possibility. ..or maybe a little less drastic like developing a hard exterior due to pain and heartache, or developing a new mentality from a change in environment eg. military, church, poverty, riches. This person becomes so envolved in their environment or lifestyle that they suppress what they once knew or who they once were.
Our bodies are intelligently made and this can be used as a means of coping and defense as well. For the person they did what they had too to survive, for the people who once knew them it can be confusing. Familiar things can bring out aspects about the person, but are they truely ever the same ?