The Secret Mental Health Dilemmas of Ambitious Women in Their 30’s

Thirties are the new twenties as it’s commonly stated. Ambitious women are stressed out in their careers, delaying family planning, or even opting out all together.These women appear to have it all under control in the face of being influencers, travellers, entrepreneurs, and health gurus. In reality they may be dealing with secret mental health dilemmas. Let’s elaborate.



1. Job Stress and Dissatisfaction

It’s not necessarily that you don’t want to work. On the contrary you see work as a crucial part of your identity. The aspect that brings dissatisfaction, is not being able impact people in a meaningful way.

It’s the everyday coordination, politics, and need to actually make a living from your profession that create feelings of frustration. Inwardly you want to provide services to your client in a way that improves their quality of life. This causes distress because most of your time is spent at work, if you can’t make a difference in your job, then besides the money, why are you really working?

2. Loss of Close Friends

You start to evaluate your relationships, even with your closest friends and family. Your earlier years were about discovering who you are and creating new experiences. Friends and family may still see you in this state. Which makes it difficult for them to accept your new ideals and opinions about life. Childhood friendships may have organically run their course leaving you feeling hurt and perplexed, wondering “what just happened?”.

Don’t be alarmed, these things happen. Reasons include needing to distance yourself from anyone who consistently stunts your personal growth, leaves you feeling emotionally drained, or fuels negative thoughts. Anxiety arises with thought of having to develop close connections as an adult. We often tend to be untrusting, fearful, defensive, and skeptical about people, thus limiting our experience.

3. Toxic and Unfulfilling Relationships

You’ve been in your relationship for years, too embarrassed to quit now after all the time you’ve put in, to be honest you’re not even sure you want to spend the rest of your life with this person. Is this it? You know your partner is low-key or high-key verbally and emotionally abusive, neglectful, selfish, and also don’t know what they want.

Why does being in your thirties make it any different? The difference is, you feel that you should have it figure out by now. In your twenties you would just drop them like it’s hot (even though it’s not) and move on. In your 40’s and 50’s you may do the same thing but for a different reason; you’re more accepting of yourself and have already made it this far, so why not?

The thought of having to discarding what’s already so familiar while not knowing what’s ahead is annoying and unbearable. You may also have a case of Stockholm syndrome, making it increasingly difficult to leave.

4. Realizing Your Family Doesn’t Know Everything

To a certain extent you are patterned and conditioned  by your programming. You may do certain things not knowing why. Your parents may have done things not knowing why. Attempting to shift this paradigm may cause some tension.

It’s the moment you realize your anxiety was triggered by Aunt Sofie’s offhanded comment. Perhaps your sister is selfish, or your grandmother is a narcissist. This can lead to mind racing questions like “what does this mean about me?”

Your identity and beliefs can come into question. Realize that your parents and siblings are also dealing with feelings of hurt and trauma, so their opinions are not unbiased. It’s important to maintain an accurate view of yourself by continued work on emotional intelligence.

5. Pressure to Reach Developmental Milestones

You may be single being pressured into getting married, you may be common-law being pressured into getting married, you may be married being pressured into having children, or you may be married and unable to conceive children .

Whatever stage you are in, according to Ericksons developmental theory, the developmental milestone for this age range is  Intimacy vs Isolation. Although the theory doesn’t specify a romantic relationship. It does refer to creating meaningful relationships with someone other than a family member. The inability to achieve this, coupled with infertility and pregnancy.may increase the risk of depression.

Successful completion of this stage can result in happy relationships and a sense of commitment, safety, and care within a relationship. Avoiding intimacy, fearing commitment and relationships can lead to isolation, loneliness, and sometimes depression. Success in this stage will lead to the virtue of love.

6. Body Changes

This is the time where you may notice your first grey hair, frequent backaches, a decrease in healing time, or difficulty with weight loss. These violations to your body can cause feelings of frustration if they are tied to your self-worth. Do you associate gaining weight with being less desirable? Or a decrease in strength and flexibility with the inability to participate in social activities?

The reassuring news is that although there are changes to your body, there is also an increase of wisdom and growth to your mind. You can be in optimum health and wellness. It first starts with choice.

Are there any additional  dilemmas you have dealt with or heard of? Let me know in the comments below.


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xox,  A

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