How To Know When Giving Up Is Your Best Bet (The Dark Night Of The Soul)

The dark night of the soul is a time of spiritual transformation and change that comes from intense pain within ourselves .

Sometimes giving up is your best bet when you are holding on to an unbearable, self harming toxic situation.

Sometimes surrender isn’t about defeat. Sometimes surrender is about freedom.

You recognize that what you’re doing in life isn’t working even though you have changed your environment , changed your habits, and even changed your outlook.

You’ve been rudely awakened to the fact that the only problem you need to face is yourself. You need to accept the person in the mirror, baggage and all.

The common denominator is you. 

You thought you were doing better at life only to realize the same lessons keep resurfacing. This leaves you in a state of desolation, and spiritual depression.

You’ve done so much self work

How much longer will it take?

The dark night of the soul is when nothing is technically wrong. Your life is fine. You should be happy, actually you are pretty happy, but material things don’t bring you as much joy. Maybe you want a simpler life, but it all comes down to an arousal of spirituality.

We are spiritual beings and feel a pull to a greater connection to something more.

The dark night of the soul is rooted in the 16 century poem by John Cross that’s reflective of a journey of getting closer to God. Today many people use the term in reference to spiritual awakening or getting closer to their higher being.

References in this article refer to God, Jesus Christ and Christianity.

The dark night of the soul is when you’ve exhausted all measures of pretending. It’s when you throw your hands up and say,

“I’m done. I surrender. I give up.”

It’s a sense of acceptance that you’re desolate, and you are who you are. It brings a sense of freedom and a sense of sadness.

It’s when the drunk not only says but accepts that,

“I’m an alcoholic, and I need help.”

It’s when the codependent not only says but accepts that,

“ I need constant external validation to feel loved. I need help.”

It can be a time of isolation. You no longer have the mentality that life is just about work, success and getting laid. So now what? You experience an extisential crisis where you question the whole purpose of being. This is when you hear those stories like,

“I think they just went crazy, they sold everything quit their jobs and moved into the bushes.”..or something along those lines.

You may be experiencing the dark night of the soul because you’re no longer hiding, you’ve accepted what you’re struggling with, but you’re still in recovery. This goes beyond therapy and counseling. You’re essentially at war with yourself.

It can get worse before it gets better.

There is a book called Becoming Michelle Obama. I love the title because it insinuates a process of shedding and building to become.

Your dark night of the soul may be marked by reoccurring dreams about your past laced with unresolved issues from your subconscious, increased tiredness, increased intuition, de ja vu’s ,and low moods.

You may feel heavy and sleepy.

This is the stage where,because you have accepted that you’re an alcoholic you decide to drink your face off before trying to seek help.

This is where Christians may leave the Church and God. They finally feel the freedom from pretending to be a “good Christian” and dealing with fake Jesus freaks.

It’s confusing, you might not be able to explain what you’re going through and people start to think that you’re acting funny.

When you return from your dark night of the soul…however long it takes you are closer to your truest, most authentic self.

It’s better to be in the dark night of the soul than in denial of your current reality.

It’s a sobering process but here are some things to remember during this time.

  1. You may feel crazy, but you’re not. God has guided you through this experience by life lessons.
  2. You’re here because you not only persevered but have some humility in you.
  3. You are always in a state of recovery, don’t beat yourself up for slips that happen along the way.
  4. Reject the feelings of being unlovable that come up while going through the process.
  5. It’s not going to happen overnight, be easy to yourself. When negative talk comes up talk to yourself with the same compassion as you would a small child who wants to tell you something.
  6. You’re in recovery, you’re in a process of changing your thought and behaviour patterns. You’re in a process of healing.

Remember you are going through a time of spiritual transformation and change. The dark night of the soul.

Giving up is your best bet when you are holding on to an unbearable, self harming toxic situation that destroy your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual well being.

Your surrender isn’t about defeat, your surrender is about freedom.

Something great has happened, and great things will continue to come.

To recovery!

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